이거 미확인 진짜뉴스다. 그날 광화문에는 어마어마한 크기의 궤(櫃)가 두 개 숨겨져 있었다. 전광훈과 사탕제일교회, 그리고 주옥순 차명진 신혜식 등이 그 궤를 만지작거리고 있었다.

“뚜껑 열까유? 아멘!” 주옥순이 먼저 입을 열었다. “열자구유, 할렐루야!” 전광훈이 대답했다. ‘신의한수’ 신혜식은 카메라를 주섬주섬 꺼냈다. 모두들 비장했다.

삐리릭삐리릭.... 바로 그때 차명진의 휴대폰 벨소리가 울렸다. “응, 엄마. 지금 내가 방송 나오고 있다고? 왜 우셔? 여기 코로나 들끓는다고? 아녀, 사랑을 제일로 여기는 교회사람들은 여기 안왔어요. 아녀, 밖에선 코로나 안옮긴다니까... 아니라니께, 그거 다 빨갱이 방송이 그짓말 하는 겨, 믿지 마셔! 끊어유!”

통화가 끝나자, 차명진을 언짢게 바라보던 전광훈이 드디어 궤를 열 준비를 했다. “이 궬까요 저 궬까요, 아라맞춰보세요~.” 서울대 나온 차명진이 톡 나서 말했다. “목사님, 아라맞춰보세요 아니고 알아맞혀 보세요가 맞는디요.”

광운전자공고 졸업 후 교육부 비인가 대한신학교를 수료하고(비학위) 목사로 출세한 전광훈, 학력철폐와 학력극복의 산 증인 전광훈이 차명진을 노려보며 말했다. “나한테 까불면 죽는다” 주옥순이 말리고 나서자 전광훈은 호흡을 크게 한번 하 마침내 궤 하나를 열었다.

맙소사! 전광훈이 궤를 열자 그 안에서 파리떼가 날아올랐다. 끝없이 날아나왔다. 괴물 파리였다. 대가리가 소대가리만한 괴물이었다.

광화문에서 날아오른 파리들은 대한민국 전국 방방곡곡으로 퍼져나갔다. 파리들은 코로나바이러스를 부지런히 퍼뜨렸다. 파리들은 궤에서 자신들을 풀어준 전광훈 주옥순 차명진 신혜식 등도 봐주지 않았다. 다시 말하지만, 이거 미확인된 진짜뉴스다.

아참, 파리떼는 어떻게 퇴치하나. 에프킬러 백만 개 뿌려봐야 소용없다. 가짜목사 아닌 진짜 목사들이 나서야 물리칠 수 있다. 사실이다. 부록 보시라. 진짜목사들, 나서시라.

(부록)

파리떼 정체

코로나 바이러스 따위 전염병의 체현. musca macedda. They are a personification of the diseases and epidemics. dangerous and highly-venomous insects.

서식지

이탈리아 Sardinia 섬. They ravaged Sardinia at various points in its history. Belief in the musca macedda appears to be an ancient one. It has been suggested that the flies arose with the Spanish invasion of Sardinia, since at least one tale says that they issued from the tomb of a Spanish saint.

▶사람 괴롭히는 파리떼 (Bible stories)

이름

학살 등과 관련. The musca macedda’s name refers to the slaughter and massacre it brings about; it is also known as the musca manchèdda da mancu, i.e. of the left hand, for if the right hand is the hand of God, the left hand is that of the Devil. 다른 이름 Musca Macèdda, Musca Machèdda, Musca Maghèdda, Musca Manchèdda da Mancu.

생김새

양 크기. 파리 주제에 독침... 치명적인.... A musca macedda resembles a common fly but can be up to the size of a sheep. The one reported from Nuchis was as big as an ox’s head. The stinger is huge and deadly.

▶파리대왕들(왼쪽부터... OOO, XXX씨)

파리들이 묻힌 곳에서는...

파리들의 윙윙 소리가 들리는데, 마치 지옥에서 들려오는 것과 같다. In places where these flies are buried one can hear their infernal buzzing.

‘진짜 목사’가 물리친다

Only the local priest is spiritually strong enough to ward off a musca macedda.

전설1

A fabulous treasure awaits discovery in Sardinia. This treasure takes the form of two barrels(혹은 궤), identical in appearance. One of those barrels contains riches beyond imagination. The other barrel is full of deadly flies – the Musca Macedda. Anyone opening the barrel full of flies brings about not only their own death, but the destruction of the world. This treasure may be found all over Sardinia, including near Alghero, Esterzili, Sorgono, the church of Valenza, and many other places. Nobody has dared open it.

전설2

At Iglesias it was said that a holy man delivered the country from demonic flies that had already destroyed multiple towns such as Galte in Nuorese, Ilani near Orotelli, Oddini, and Thiddorai. The musca macedda at Nuchis tore the region apart before dying between the Church of San Cosimo and the Parish of the Holy Spirit, between two black boulders of volcanic rock.

전설3

The story of the Macedda fly has interested many writers, who have defined its nuance. Near Lotzorai, there are still the ruins of an old castle, built, it is said, to give protection to a princess called "Locana". This castle, known today as The Castle Of The Medusa, was the scene of this legend. Locana's husband, called to arms, built the castle in case of enemy attacks from the sea to protect his wife and servant.

When the war was over, Locana left the castle and riches with the servant to follow her husband. Locana, afraid that in his absence the servant would take the riches, hatched a plan. She instructed the servant to bring two chests; in one she placed the riches and in the other, the lethal insect.

Some time after the departure of the princess, the servant, thinking it was just a story to scare him, decided to open the chests. Upon opening them he discovered it was not just a tale but the plain truth and that there really was the terrible creature inside. From this the legend is born, reinforced by the popular belief, of the arrival of a lethal insect whose bite could kill. NO-one had the courage to stop it and the incantations of the priests were ineffective.

The evil fly sowed death and destruction everywhere, some villages were decimated in a very short time and other villagers were forced to flee to the mountains. One day a holy man asked the people to pray and to follow him; all the townsfolk filed in and followed him. At one point they stopped and formed a large circle. The saint ordered them to dance holding hands and to close the circle. Then a miraculous thing happened; all the flies in the area fell into a pile in the middle of the circle.

The saint gathered up all the flies and put them into seven barrels, set them on fire and they burned for three days and nights.

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