(1)

선거 전날인 14일 윤 총장이 선거 사범에 대한 엄정한 수사를 지시한 것으로 알려지면서 여권에선 "식물 총장이 누굴 수사하냐"는 말이 나왔다. 여당은 그간 청와대 선거 개입 의혹과 조국 전 법무장관 수사와 관련, 검찰과 갈등 구도를 형성해왔다. (중략)

앞서 유시민 노무현재단 이사장은 "윤 총장이 채널A 기자와 윤 총장 측근으로 알려진 현직 검사장의 유착 의혹을 덮으려 한다"며 "윤 총장은 사실상 식물 총장"이라고 했다. (조선일보, 2020.04.17.)

식물 총장이라니, 천부당만부당한 말씀이시다. 나는 여전히 신문방송에 윤석열 얼굴만 보여도 무서워 죽겠는데 식물 총장이라니! 지금도 이 원고 때문에 인생 털릴까봐 몸이 사시나무 떨리듯 떨린단 말이다.

▶ 윤석열은 이제 식물이고요.

(2)

내가 보기에 윤석열은 식물은커녕 여전히 거대한 육식 공룡이다. 보라, 선거결과를 보고도 용감하고 씩씩하게 자신의 행보를 뻔뻔하게 이어가고 있지 않은가. 만약 윤석열이 식물이 됐다손쳐도, 가오가 있지, 순하고 착한 식물일 리가 없다.

그럼에도 불구하고 윤석열이 식물이라면 어떤 식물일까. 사람 잡는 식물, 사람 모가지옭아매는 그런 공포의 식물 아닐까.

▶ 나는 식물에 충성하지 않습니다.

(3)

중미 니카라과의 습지대에 윤석열 못지않게 무서운 식물이 자라고 있다. 이름과 별명부터 무시무시하다. 원주민들은 대개 ‘악마의 올가미’라 부른다. ‘흡혈 덩굴’이라 부르는 사람도 있다. (한국 뉴스를 챙겨보는 어떤 니카라과 사람은 ‘윤석열 올가미’라고 부른다는 가짜뉴스도 있다.)

기억하실까 모르겠다. 올가미로 사람을 졸라 피를 빨아먹는 이 괴식물은 해리포터에도 등장한다.

(4)

또 기억하실까 모르겠다. 식물 운운하는 분들과 매체는 지난 1월에도 있었다.

[리포트] 자유한국당과 새로운보수당은 검찰 중간 간부 인사를 '정권의 검찰 장악'으로 규정했습니다.

[황교안 / 자유한국당 대표] "문재인 정권의 검찰 장악은 ‘식물검찰’ 만들기 수준으로 가고 있습니다. 국민의 검찰을 친문세력에 무릎 꿇리는겁니다."

[유승민 / 새로운보수당 보수재건위원장] "살아있는 권력의 수사를 은폐하고 방해하는 그런 살아있는 권력의 범죄행위이기 때문에…."

안철수 전 국민의당 대표도 '폭거'라고 비판했습니다. 안 전 대표는 "살아있는 권력수사에 대한 퇴장 명령"이라며 "검찰을 권력의 시녀로 만드는 건 가짜 민주주의 정권"이라고 주장했습니다.

범여권으로 분류되는 정의당조차 “이번 인사로 현재 진행되는 수사가 영향을 받을 가능성이 많다”고 우려했습니다. (체념A  2020. 1. 23.)

근데, 이렇게 막 써도 되나. 윤석열 무서워 죽겄네. 부들부들. 바들바들. 덜덜. 환장하겄네. 젠장.

(부록)

사람 잡는 식물

올가미로 사람을 졸라 피를 빨아먹는 괴식물. This plant had the capability "to drain the blood of any living thing which comes within its death-dealing touch."

이름, 별명

흡혈덩굴, 악마의 올가미. Vampire Vine, Devil's Snare. (Spanish: la Sagenas de Diable).

서식지

중미 니카라과의 습지. in the swamps which surround the great lakes of Nicaragua.

(심화학습)

A BLOOD-SUCKING PLANT

(The Original Story of 8 December 1889)
Special Telegram to THE TIMES.NEW ORLEANS, December 8. Leroy Dunstan, the well-known naturalist of this city, who has recently returned from Central America, where he had spent nearly two years in the study of the flora and fauna of the country, relates the findings of a singular growth in one of the swamps which surround the great lake of Nicaragua. He was engaged in hunting for botanical and entomological specimens in this swamp, which is known as San Sebastian's, when he heard his dog cry out as if in agony from a distance. Running to the spot from which the animal's cries came, Mr. Dunstan found him enveloped in a perfect network of what seemed to be a fine, rope-like tissue of roots or fibres, the nature of which was unknown to him.The plant or vine seemed composed entirely of bare, interlacing stems, resembling more than anything else the branches of the weeping willow denuded of all foliage, but of a dark, nearly black hue, and covered with a thick, viscid gum that exuded from the pores. Drawing his knife, Mr. Dunstan endeavored to cut the animal free, but it was only with the greatest difficulty that he succeeded in severing the fleshy, muscular fibre. To his horror and amazement the naturalist then saw that the dog's body was covered with blood, while his hairless skin appeared to have been actually sucked or puckered in spots, and the animal stagged as if from weakness and exhaustion.In cutting the vine the twigs curled like living, sinuous fingers about Mr. Dunstan's hand, and it required no slight force to free the member from its clinging clasp, which left the flesh red and blistered. The gum exuding from the vine was of a grayish dark tinge, remarkably adhesive and of a disagreeable animal odor, very powerful and nauseating to inhale.The native servants who accompanied M. Dunstan manifested the greatest horror of the vine which they call la sagenas de diable, the devil's seine, or snare, and were full of stories of its death-dealing powers. One of these stories was of an Englishman residing in Managua, who, while hunting in the swamp a few years before, lay down beneath a tree where a large and powerful specimen of this singular plant was growing and inadvertently falling asleep, awoke to find himself enveloped in its web, and in spite of every effort made to extricate him, perished in its deadly embrace.Another story was of an escaped convict who had hidden in the swamp, and whose bones had been found in the folds of the sagenas only a short time before Mr. Dunstan's visit. These stories, remarkable as they may seem, are firmly believed in by the people, but the only three specimens which Mr. Dunstan was able to find were all small ones, though the meshes of the largest would probably, if extended in a straight line, measure nearly, if not quite, one hundred feet. He was able to discover very little about the nature of the plant, owing to the difficulty of handling it, for its grasp can only be torn away with loss of skin and even flesh, but, as near as Mr. Dunstan could ascertain, its power of suction is contained in a number of infinitesimal mouths or little suckers, which, ordinarily closed, open for the reception of food.The gum exuded seems to serve the two-fold purpose of increasing its tenacity and of overcoming a victim by its sickening odor. The plant is found only in low, wet places, and usually beneath a large tree, and while dormant seems only a network of dry, dead vines covering the black earth for several feet, but coming into contact with anything will instantly begin to twist and twine upward in a horrible, life-like manner, breaking out with the gum-like substance spoken of before, and enwrap the object with a celerity that is almost incredible.If the substance is animal the blood is drawn off and the carcass or refuse then dropped. A lump of raw meat being thrown it in a short time of five minutes the blood will be thoroughly drunk off and the mass thrown aside. Its voracity is almost beyond belief, it devouring at one time over ten pounds of meat, though it may be deprived of all food for weeks without any apparently loss of vitality. Mr. Dunstan attempted to bring away a root of the sagenas, but it died during his return voyage, growing so foul with a strong odor of real animal corruption that he was obliged to get rid of it.
The 1891 Abridgements

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